We spent the last week out on the boat, Roche harbor, one of our favorite places. Jacobs’s counts were too low last Friday so we could not start his treatment. I felt a bit disappointed, for some reason I was so sure it would start, but obviously it is impossible to predict the numbers. Instead we cleaned the boat and headed out to Anacortes and Roche harbor. It is beautiful out here. A bit too far from the hospital but so needed…every second I do not think about the illness makes me re-charge.
A cute girl asked me what is wrong with that boy’s nose. And I explained that he is ill and gets lots of medicine and sometimes food through that tube, it is nothing contagious though. Oh she said, I know my brother has diabetes… I love the way children look at the world, the life.
Simon to Jacob: Jacob, you are the nicest on the planet.
Simon looks at the crab we just caught and cracked in two, and say “Jacob, the crab did not become an angel, he is still here…”
Lady of good voyage, Roche harbor
A Perfect day, sun, water, boat, morning coffee…Jacob and Simon are playing, Lucas too. Simon and I take a walk and we buy ice cream. Why can’t I get that feeling that I usually get when we come here, feel the peace, the beauty? I know the answer but I rather pretend not to. Try to live in the image of perfection, family out on their boat, happy…
No one can see that behind everything leukemia is hiding, destroying the picture, poisoning our lives. But we make our best to live as happy as possible, enjoying as much as we can, determined to live on a day at the time. I pass by the old white church, decide to go in, light a candle, its red, makes me think of Jacobs’s sick blood. When I go outside I see the sign, Our Lady of Good Voyage Chapel, well I think, good voyage then, life goes on.
I put my sun glasses back on to make the colors a little bit deeper, hoping that will help me see the beauty of life.
Some more photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36414830@N02/sets/72157627464021988/