Mom, can I have some bread with salami, I really want that, I haven’t had much to eat today, can I?
Sure, I bring you some
But when you get it and it gets close to your nose you turn your head away
Mom, it doesn’t smell good, not the way I remembered, is it the chemo? It must be because I really wanted salami… Can I have oatmeal instead? I know the chemo will make the oatmeal taste perfect.
Today the numbers went down even more. But the doctor reassured that this is expected. That the bone marrow is working but it is tired. And that might take a while now to recover.
How tired can it get before stopping? Every day in the car on my way to the hospital I hope for a miracle, and every time I feel that this journey is too long, and too painful.
jacob had a good day, except for some nausea in the evening.
We (he) decorated for Halloween so now we have spiderweb everywhere. When he was done he said, mom now we are ready for halloween!
Most likely Jacobs immune system will not be strong enough on Monday to go to school, so he will miss the halloween party there and also the one they organize at Davids work. Maybe we can just do some trick or treating outside in the neighborhood.
We are going back to the hospital for labs on Friday, and he also has an appointment on Saturday in case he needs a transfusion.
lucas is growing and it is not as easy as before to bring him to the hospital, he wants to crawl around and puts everything in his mouth. We will soon have family here again to help us. I will try to update the calender.
Every time someone asks me how old Lucas is now and I answer, my mind always travels to those days and to Jacob, to how it all begun and that Lucas age is almost the same as how long Jacob has has had cancer. I will never get used to that word in the same sentance as my little boys name, cancer…
The last days has been harder than ever, we are all very tired, all energy is gone
Please pray for us to find strength
To feel hope and be able to visualize the future together