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This week did not go as I had planned. I left Jacob at school on Monday and did not get far until his teacher called and told me he fell asleep on a chair in the classroom. 
When I picked him up he was sleeping in the office on a bench with a blanket, he looked up at me and said, I really wanted to be in school, I haven’t learned enough things today. 

My heart is crying when I picture Jacobs kindergarten teacher carrying him from the classroom, the same teacher that a year ago was present when he vomited blood in school, the teacher who tutors him now and who is running marathons to find a cure for leukemia. 

On Tuesday we made another try to go to school, but he only lasted a little bit longer. Again I picked him up sleeping at the office.

I called his doctors, worried about the tiredness. scared and reminded of how it all begun at this time of last year. The tiredness, the belly pain…
His doctors reassured me that it was normal. That extreme tiredness is expected at this point of treatment. It’s been a tough long year with heavy treatment. 
I felt somewhat relieved but at the same time very sad. I try to prepare for the hard times but its impossible, I’m always hoping, wishing that he will just cruise through these phases without pain or discomfort. And when I see him suffer, when I see him sad, in pain, confused or silent it is unbearable. To not be able to make the bad disappear breaks my heart.

Jacob did not go to school any more this week, he has been home. most of the time he spent on the couch watching curious george and craving different foods, or not knowing what he wants but telling he is hungry. So I have spent my time cooking, meat with garlic butter, chicken, shrimp in olive oil with garlic and bread, cherry tomatoes, home made pasta, and driving down to mc Donald’s when he caves fries…

Yesterday we had a clinic appointment, Jacob had labs, we met the doctor and got chemo. The steroids he has been on has messed with his numbers, in a good way for a few days. His ANC is up at 9828 that is higher that normal and will very soon drop, a lot. I did make sure the high number of white blood cells did not mean he had blasts, cancer cells. 
My biggest fear. 
Jacob asked the doctor if the high ANC ment he can do whatever he wants and the doctor laughed and said, almost…

today I was very happy that Jacob had enough energy to go to his friends birthday party, seeing him play, run and smile gives me strength. 

Please keep praying for us 


Yesterday, a hospital day. 
So strange but so real when I felt happiness when doctor peeked in his head through the door and said “he’s  good to go!” Meaning Jacobs numbers are good enough to start next phase of chemotherapy that started with a back poke under anesthesia.
I’m amazed of my little warrior, how his little body within a week has recovered. How his immune system went from under 200 to 1430. How his bone marrow works and is producing cells, healthy cells.

Heavy round now, it will take about ten days for immune system and other numbers to drop, he will get chemo at the hospital and steroids at home. and then numbers will drop and when they do we will need lots of help. 
During next week Jacob will be able to be in school, I will try to have a normal week, to gather some energy for later.
We will have family here until end of January. And now it looks like, even if it is almost impossible to predict anything, when they leave the heavy part begins. 

Please pray for Jacob to stay strong. For infections to stay away.
Also pray for us as a family and for me and david as parents

After a year in constant pain, worries, anxiety, sadness and fear the heart is broken, our souls and minds are tired. 


From Solace Arts Photography (and our dear friends) about Jacob & our family: http://solacearts.com/blog/2011/02/20/the-schaub-family/