I guess it’s time for an update
After a very long time…it´s been almost a year
Lots of things have happened since my last update, mostly good things. But I guess the biggest thing is that we are back on that other side of the planet again.
Again far away from many loved ones, close to the loved ones we before were missing.
We are now back in Sweden, closer to our family.
It was wonderful to be able to spend the Christmas holidays with our family, be back in the city I was born in and that I had not seen for years. It was a joy seeing the boys play with their cousins and friends they had not seen in very long.
But it was not just easy, it was in many ways more difficult than I had expected.
I think we often romanticize our past, the life we do not have
We do not see that time change us
That people change
That cities change
But most of all I had not realized how much I had changed
My years in the US changed me, my years in Copenhagen and Malmö.
Cancer changed me
Our life here is still new and lots of things are still not in place. Soon we are moving to another rental (now a house so David can barbeque again) David just started a new job, Lucas is starting daycare next week. Simon and Jacob have been going to school now since january and I will start looking for a job…
Jacob continued his treatment on his US protocol when we moved back in november and has been doing great, with only a few hospital visits and once as inpatient until just a few days ago. About 10 days ago Jacobs numbers (ANC, hematocrit and platelets) started to drop. He has been really well for over 6 months and I have tried to live a normal life. So when I saw the numbers changing, him getting more tired, my mind was back in how it all started.
This past week when I picked him up from school he was usually sleeping as a full school day totally wore him out.
Last Thursday evening he started complaining about belly pain,
my cancer alarm went on about something beeing wrong and Friday morning his temperature was 39.4
I went in to what I call fight mode or warrior mode. Structured, coordinated.
Simon and Lucas got dropped off by David and I’m packing the hospital bag.
We called the hospital, this time choosing the big one as I “knew” we were going to stay.
Jacob gets admitted as his white blood count is low , like the rest of his numbers.
Today Jacobs numbers are even lower, it takes me some time and discussion to understand his numbers as they look different from what I’m used to in the US, its a bit frustrating as Im used to be able to read the reports, instead Im looking at
B-neutrofila 0.1 (anc 100)
Doctors think its an infection, most likely viral as bacteria cultures have not grown, they stillmight but for every day its less likely. What they do expect is his numbers to start coming back up within the next couple of days, so suddenly we are in the waiting game again. That frustrating, hate game, where you cannot do anything but wait, pray and hope.
So tonigt when Im sitting here, just as so many times before, in a hospital, with Jacob, only this time in another part of the world
I do want to ask you to pray for Jacob
For his bone marrow to recover
for cancer to stay away
I want you to pray for me and David to stay strong, as years of living with a child battling cancer has made deep wounds in on our souls