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I can hear you laugh, jump and play upstairs with your brothers while I prepare tonights dinner

you run down when I call you and you eat with a good apetite
3 years ago you were too tired to play, you did not want to eat
your bones started to show under your skin, your belly was swollen and your joints were hurting as
cancer had taken over your body, running in your veins, growing in your marrow
poisonous and deadly
I’m always a bit afraid of this date, as it is such a mark in my soul
afraid of how the day will turn out, where my feelings will go
because it is impossible to not go there
to travel in time
it’s been 3 years
a journey I could never imagine or expect
in the midst of it I was wondering how to survive sometimes I still do
it is not over but it’s not that intense anymore
we are learning to live a more normal life again
but we are marked and we are changed
we have fought together as a family, some days as a team other days more to keep the team together
but we also had our own journeys, a personal one
I think of my kids journey and how this experience has tought them and formed them and what memories they will have
I wonder what it will look like in they future
I think of what David has gone through
of how we all have changed in different ways
but I can only talk about my own journey
emotionally overwhelming
physically challenging
and spiritually reforming
when I look back today my heart becomes heavy at the same time as there is a peace
lots of moments have been too heavy to carry, moments of walking in valleys of death, corridors of illness
commutes of tears
but I was never alone
there is this bright light overtaking all that darkness
I was surrounded with people, an army of love, practical help, friendships, prayer warriors
people carrying us in our journey,
God providing us with everything in the midst of this darkness
looking back there are moments of struggle, sadness, fear
moments of death and whys
but there is so also joy, hope, new friendships, new opportunities
endurance and love
life is here and now and I have so much to be thankful for
and I know that all things work together for good
and I’m convinced that the best is yet to come
lots of love